Carrot Cake, Bitches. Or Why Tara Should Never Work From Home.

I got off work early today and thought to myself “Oh yes! A perfect opportunity to go home and work on all that recipe costing!” so I went home, and headed down to my cozy little cave and fired up the computer. I sat down and opened excel and starting tappa-tap-tap tapping away at those keys. I was just making a sick beat though, I wasn’t actually typing anything proper out at this point.  After checking imgur, tapped out, and my e-mail I finally re-opened excel and got to work. Just when I had finally compiled a lovely list of what I needed I decided I should go upstairs and see what the dog was doing. He was laying in the window sill and not doing anything interesting. Fine, be that way Foster. I noticed how lovely the lighting in the house was at this point though, and how nice and perfectly fall it felt. I wandered into the kitchen and that’s when it all started. I remembered carrot cake. Carrot cake. CARROT CAKE! All of a sudden I just really wanted some fucking carrot cake so desperately.

So I accidentally made a cake when I should have been working.

But look how worth it it all was.

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I like my carrot cake to be dense but not too dense, sweet but not too sweet, and moist as fuck. There better not be any god damn raisins in it or you lose massive points, like -5000, and I will never look at you the same again. Currants I can give a pass on, maybe just -1 point…BUT RAISINS, NEVER! I like nuts in my carrot cake, toasted walnuts or pecans will do. And coconut is an added bonus and will win +5 points. +7 points if it’s just a slab cake and not a round layered cake, because you gotta get that perfect cake:frosting ratio. However, this is just how I like my carrot cake, and I know a lot of people that would disagree. Those people are wrong.

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Do those icing marks and crumbs on the fork gross you out as much as they do to me? Even though I was the one who ate the cake (for dinner, might I add, because I am an adult and I can do what I want) it still weirds me out. Whatevs.

You should make this carrot cake. You won’t be disappointed, I hope not.

Carrot Cake

1 lb. carrots
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp table salt
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground allspice
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1 1/2 cups chopped toasted pecans or walnuts
1 cup shredded coconut
4 large eggs, at room temperature
1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 1/2 cup packed dark brown sugar
1 Tbsp vanilla extract
1 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup walnut oil

Preheat your lovely oven to 350F and grease and flour a 9×13″ pan and set aside.

Peel and finely shred your carrots, set aside. In the bowl of your stand mixer, whip the sugars, eggs, and vanilla with the whisk attachment until thick and creamy. Slowly drizzle in the oils while whipping on high speed.
Stir in the coconut, nuts, and carrots. Add the dry ingredients and mix on low just until combined. Pour into the prepared pan and bake for about 50 minutes, rotating half way through, until the middle springs back when gently poked or you insert something stabby into the centre and it comes out clean.  Allow to cool fully!

Now, make some cream cheese frosting omnomnom.

Cream Cheese Frosting

1 lb (2pkgs) full fat cream cheese, cold (yes you read that right, don’t let it sit at room temperature or else your frosting will be too soft and might start to separate. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
1 cup of softened, unsalted butter
2 cups icing sugar
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla paste, or 1 vanilla bean split lengthwise and the seeds removed

In a bowl, whip the butter and sugar with the salt and vanilla until light and creamy. Add the cream cheese slowly, bit by bit, while whipping on high speed until everything is all whippy and fluffy and ready to go. Wee!

Now once your cake has cooled down, spread that frosting all over that bitch, cut it up and enjoy!

PA231320Now if you’ll excuse me, I must get back to work.

Happy baking!

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4 thoughts on “Carrot Cake, Bitches. Or Why Tara Should Never Work From Home.

  1. Spread frosting all over that bitch, because cream cheese icing is a gift from the gods. Also, walnut oil?! You are a genius.

  2. Tara your cream cheese icing is revolutionary! I’ve always had troubles with when I make cream cheese icing the conventional way and now I will always make it with COLD cream cheese! Thanks for the recipe! YOU ARE AWESOME

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